Estranged

If you think it hurts when she leaves, wait till she comes back. The thought bounces off the walls of his psyche as he blows moist warmth into his hands and rubs them together. He couldn’t begin to tell anyone how often he’s been slashed by her departure, only to be torn by her arrival.

He let’s out a brisk chuckle. Each time she leaves, his heart seems to fall apart easier than the explosive shattering of that first time. Painstakingly putting it back together with spirit glue that utterly dissolves when he sees her tear-stained face as she tries not to make eye contact while walking past to the open door of his black Ford F-150.

“Everything alright?”

“I’m fine. Let’s just go.”

Bradley starts the truck and begins driving home. He makes it to the T on the dirt road. The right leads to paved roads underneath the bright white streetlamps and back to more of the same. The left leads to the unknown. More dirt roads lit only by his truck’s trusty headlamps. Where the stars in the sky or more visible and those looking up feel even smaller than usual.

“Where you going?” Skylar asks.

“This way.”

“I see that. Why? Nothing this way but old Ren Lee’s place.”

“Yea, I know.”

“Suit yourself. Don’t be surprised if he comes and blows out the windshield with his twelve-gauge.”

Ren Lee’s farm was about two miles up dirt roads, and Skylar was right to warn Bradley. Many local teens and young adults were known to fill their vehicles with as much booze as they could buy and head out to tease the old man. Of course, that wasn’t their intention. It didn’t matter how far into the woods they made it. Eventually, Old Ren would show up with his dirty blue overalls and black boom stick combo.

The old man would point and wave the gun at everyone and make them leave the area. He would claim to own all the property out this way and accuse everyone of trespassing. Once, Grat Benning went to the municipal and found out old Ren didn’t own anything. Not even the run-down shack he lived on with his old beaten-up barn. Apparently, his grandchildren bought the plots of land the two buildings were on to keep the bank from making him their problem.

Besides that, the old man was harmless. Curmudgeonly but harmless. Everyone agreed he was probably just bored and couldn’t wait till he spotted the train of cars traveling up the dirt road for some alcohol-fueled shenanigans. It didn’t matter what time of day it was. Or night. At least Bradley hoped.

“We’ll be fine. I just want to find a nice little spot where we can chat.” Bradley said.

“Come on, Bradley. I’ve apologized God knows how many times. I’m cold and tired. Can’t we just go home?” Skylar asked.

Bradley turned to look at her. She was so beautiful. Still. Even with dark make-up smeared under the eyes. It was hard to fully see her in the dark, but Bradley thought he could see a nice bruise making its way to the surface of her left temple.

“Looks like your gonna have a shiner in the morning. You didn’t sound like things got that bad on the phone.”

“This happened after. Mark didn’t like the fact I called you, and … well, you can guess the rest. I don’t really feel like talking about it right now.”

“You never feel like talking about it.”

“Yea. Well.”

Bradley almost did it again. Almost tricked her into doing exactly the opposite of what she’d said. It was one of the main reasons she’d left him. Multiple times. Since high school, they had been married for three years, together for ten. Skylar had broken up with Bradley as many times. Once a year since their wedding. Like clockwork.

Bradley liked to theorize that Skylar had what was known as Wanderlust. But she never actually went anywhere. He was always wondering if it was him that was the real problem. Despite what everyone in his family would tell him, Bradley was confident that if he could just change himself a little more, each time she left, one day she would come back and never go again.

However, it never had anything to do with him. Well, it sort of did. Bradley wasn’t Mark. Mark was beautiful. Mark was fun. Mark was indestructible. Mostly, Mark was a lowlife. He sold drugs to earn enough to do drugs. Living in a mobile home out in front of his mother’s house, Skylar had a season pass. All she had to do was give Mark his pound of flesh when he wanted it.

That pound of flesh could come in any shape or form, but mostly it was exactly what people thought it was. After the second time Skylar left him and went to live in Mark’s maggot and roach-infested hovel, Bradley showed up in an attempt to retrieve her. He could walk right into one of the most disturbing scenes he’d ever seen with his own eyes that weren’t on the television.

No staged scene could do it justice. People often think that horror films replace smells and feeling with the soundtrack and eerie lighting. They believe that makes up for the difference. It doesn’t. It was broad daylight, and you could see right in the windows, but it didn’t appear anyone was home. The door was ajar, and Bradley opened it up and put his head inside.

The smell was the first thing that hit him. It was an assault worthy of the tears it invoked. The old folks’ nursing home had nothing on this. The ammonia quality and punch of the scent of piss was only tempered slightly by the shit stink that smoothed out the edges. Bradley jerked his head back and breathed succulent air once again.

Pulling up his shirt, which barely helped, he peeked around the corner and saw limbs on the ground. Suddenly the smell was gone, and he leaped up the step and entered the mobile unit. Bodies that appeared dead were strewn all around. Bradley felt for his phone to dial emergency and report a massacre when heads began lifting themselves and trying to look around.

“Bradley, dude, sorry, man, I think we ran out. Sky. Sky? Aw shit … oh … Sky, we all out? Bradley’s here,” Mark said.

Skylar opened up her eyes and looked up. Shame immediately washed over her face, and she closed her eyes again and put her head back in the pit of Mark’s arm, where she was snuggled comfortably in the squalor and fumes. Bradley backed out and went back home.

All he could think of was how beautifully tragic the two of them looked the whole way home. It was broad daylight, and a ray of sunlight had been shining through the window, illuminating their faces. Skylar was fair-skinned with dark hair and eyes, while Mark was olive-skinned with black hair and eyes nearly as dark.

Bradley didn’t think he could ever be as majestic looking as Mark was. Even in the state he was in. Pale-looking, dirty, dark hollow eyes and x-rated tattoos would ensure he never worked in a legitimate occupation, and the man could still command his lovely Skylar’s heart. Bradley would never look that good.

Bradley was simple: straight, light brown hair and eyes, plain looks, plain clothes, plain truck. But he was clean. Too clean. His job was neat and paid him clean money. He’d had plenty to give Skylar a good, comfortable life. She could buy just about whatever she wanted and never have to work. Bradley even allowed her to buy as many drugs as she wished and do them every day. And she did. Anything to keep her from leaving again.

She would have daily get-togethers (the words Bradley chose to tell his mother) that went well into the night. Sometimes the next day. (days) Bradley never complained. Mark was always there. Always. She didn’t even try to hide their sex anymore. When he first started coming around, Skylar would attempt not to flirt with him. However, after walking in on them multiple times, what was the point?

Still, Bradley loved Skylar, and he would tolerate anything and everything. Just so long as she wouldn’t leave him. But then she did. Then she’d run out of money. Or Mark would beat her. Or she would beat him. Bradley would revel in Skylar’s stories about when she would get the upper hand. They were drug addicts; anything was possible.

She always called him. Skylar didn’t have to leave, but she did. One of Skylar’s old school friends, Jenna, quit coming around sometime after the second separation. She was the last friend Skylar had left that wasn’t elbow-deep into drugs. She told Bradley the words he would need to deal with the situation, but they would only split apart and roll around in his brain.

“She’s killing herself. I used to think it was slow, but now I see. You’re going to find her dead any minute. I’m not going to be here. When it happens, don’t call me. If I were you, I’d get rid of her as soon as possible. Let her die with him.

Bradley couldn’t understand why Jenna would turn on her. She’d even tolerated Skylar attempting to put the moves on her husband, which hadn’t deterred her from sticking around. Jenna wouldn’t tell Bradley what he couldn’t see himself. The truth was Skylar didn’t smell healthy. She didn’t look healthy. And her behavior was abominable. She wasn’t a threat to Jenna and Dale’s marriage. Even though Bradley was sure, he’d walk in on them at some point.

Finally, she’d left him for the last time. He knew it was confirmed this time. She’d been gone without a word for just under six months when he got the call. The longest stint yet. Bradley had more time to come to terms with it this time. It had been a week since he finally realized that he’d simply refuse to take her back when she called. But that’s not what happened.

The white noise that sounded in his brain returned like it always did when she called and he harkened to her. Yet, as he breathed warmth into his hands, Jenna’s words came back to him. This time, they stitched themselves back into the order they’d been given to him and he realized that Skylar’s death would warm his heart the same way his breath warmed his hands. His love for her had gone cold.

However, he knew that as long as she could dial a phone, he would always go and get her. It needed to stop now. Her life needed to stop, so he could live right. It needed to happen tonight before he could change his mind and lose it forever. He drove to the clearing, a five-minute walk from Ren Lee’s place. They’d have time to talk before the old man arrived. He could say goodbye.

It was cold but not deathly freezing. The snow had mostly melted in the early spring sun. The nights were starting to warm and were tolerable with a hoodie or a jacket. Bradley got out of the truck and dropped his tailgate. Skylar got out and walked to the back. He lifted her up and set her backside on the tailgate. She was lighter than the last time. Bradley knew that even without his help, she was just moments away from death anyway. He was doing them both a favor.

He jumped up and sat next to her on the truck. He looked up and was surprised to see so many stars. He felt this elation every time he could see this many, but now there was something more. Freedom was just around the corner.

“You know, you’re so fucking stupid and predictable.” Skylar said then.

“What?” Bradley asked.

Skylar never spoke to him like this. Maybe they were getting somewhere. Perhaps she was about to let him in. They had never had a fight. All the time that they’d been living the way they were, Bradley never complained, and Skylar was always as sweet as can be. To hear it told, she wasn’t always. But he’d never seen it. Never had she spoken an unkind word to him. Now she had. What could it mean?

“You think I like this life? Do you think I like life? I know why we’re out here. If you think your man enough, just do it,” She said.

“Do what? I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Kill me. I’m dead already.”

Bradley’s entire plan went out the window. Now, when Ren Lee showed up waving his gun, he’d just take her home, and they could work on getting her help. This was the first time Skylar had ever admitted to having a problem. They could work it out. Hope was returning for the first time in years.

“I don’t want to kill you. I want you to get help. I want us to start a family. We should have already by now. My mother’s been….”

Skylar burst out laughing. Bradley thought it was more of a cackle.

“Right! Your mother would puke rainbows and shit sprinkles if she thought I was pregnant. Tell me, Bradley, why haven’t I gotten pregnant yet? Do you think I’ve been using birth control? Do you think I wouldn’t have ten kids by now if I wasn’t so broken? I’m really starting to see how deep the stupid runs in you.”

“Why are you calling me stupid? For loving you?”

“Well, that would be one reason. I’ve never given you a reason to love me. You just did, and I knew you’d take care of me. Trust me, Bradley, I was broken long before you met me, and I made a deal. One day, I’d allow you to kill me, and if you didn’t take it, well, we’ll never know cause you missed your chance.”

Just then, old Ren Lee jumped out from the side of the truck and pointed the shotgun at Bradley.

“Bout got damned time, Skylar. You said he’d fold years ago. How’d you get him out here?”

“He brought us. Can you believe it? He was going to kill me. It was in his mind the whole time, but his balls shriveled, and he started talking about saving me. Just do it. Our deal is done, old man.”

“Deal? What the hell is going on here?” Bradley asked.

Skylar held her hand up. She wanted to tell him. She had been dying to tell someone. This was the only chance she’d get.

“The deal with my Grandpa. He knew he couldn’t get me pregnant with his dirty old Satan seed, but that didn’t stop him from trying. Did it, Gramps?”

“Just let me get this over with,” Ren said.

“Hold on. My family needs a clean seed, but stuff needs to get done to it first. Witchy stuff. We Grendels are an ancient line of witches, apparently. Not the bullshit tree-hugging Wiccan kind either. We’re talking Satanic, Luciferian freak shit here, Bradley. You don’t know the power I have and have had to hide from you.”

“I don’t understand,” Bradley said.

“Well, you only have a couple minutes to get your head around it, dude. I made two deals, one as a little girl and once when I met you. I told my Grandpa I’d find him clean seed with lots of money to make him rich. All I asked was that he’d stop fucking me. So, he did. He fucked Jenna instead. Broke her mind and remade it. She’s going to be hella influential. Me, I get to be the nasty drug whore. But I get to kill whoever I want after this. And I will. Oh, Satan, how I want to. I made a deal with you to give you one chance to kill me before your end. Deal done.”

“You’re fucking mad. You’ve fucking lost it haven’t you?”

Bradley couldn’t believe anything she was saying. He was about to jump down, grab her, load her into the truck, and drive her right to the hospital. He flinched, and she looked to Ren. The shot rang out and blew him up the bed of his truck. His back rest against the wall, his stomach wide open. He could smell the burning flesh from the heat of the buckshot before Skylar’s beautiful face faded away.