Photo: Rebecca Roske Digital Art 2013
[I am putting this short in the “Just Why? category for a bit of eroticism and a pretty bloody scene towards the end. As it is a speculative work, I don’t think it needs a trigger warning. I hope you enjoy the idea behind this work!]
I wanted to do it. It was what I had come to do. If I was to truly be able to embrace the darkness, I had only to pull the razor across his throat. Simple, right? No. Nothing is simple leading up to the embrace. Simple comes after. Simple comes when you have released your humanity into the ether and allowed the darkness to fully replace it. I had still yet to do that, and it was hard. Oh, how so hard it was.
You spend your entire life as a human. Sure you can stomp on a bug, or even take your dog to be put down, if it’s too expensive to purchase the operation. If it was of no such consequence, then I could have considered myself already fully embracing of the darkness after the mad murder spree I went on with the fly swatter this past summer. Shelly said no, though. People don’t have any issues with killing outside their species, just for the sheer pleasure of it. Killing other people for pleasure, however, that was when you knew the darkness had taken hold, and you were ready to be filled with the full intensity of its power. At least that’s what she said.
I’ve seen her do things, though. I wanted that. I needed that power. I was sick of being … whatever I was. That scrawny kid, with no real path into the future seen by others. Not me. Something would have to give. The only girls that would look at me, were even weaker and homelier than I was. At least until I met Shelly.
I met her at Darx Underground. An underground Alternative/Goth dance club, where the smell of clove cigarettes, patchouli oil, and sweat mixed with smoke machine juice filled the air. Music like the industrial blastings of The Prodigy and melodic musings mixed with distorted guitar like that of Chelsea Wolfe as she sang Iron Moon, pumped at high volumes seeming to enter and pass through every tissue in my body. It was there that I first saw her dancing under the black lights and strobes; her body twisting and turning slowly regardless of the pace of the music, arms gracefully flowing through the air as if she were under water, carrying the black lace shawl draped over her shoulders as if they were wings. Under her shawl, she wore a cinched black leather corset, buckled in the front with three stainless steel latches. Attached to the bottom was a tight latex miniskirt that stopped just short of revealing what was beneath. She only showed about four inches of her milky white thighs that were mostly covered with black lase topped leggings, over which she wore knee high ribbon laced and stainless steel latched boots. Her shiny blue-black hair went clear down to her backside, and I couldn’t tell where her hair stopped and her lacy shawl began.
Shelly’s look wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Or at least, for what you would expect to see in a place like that. Don’t get me wrong. She was hot … smoking hot, even. Most of the women that went to Darx were absolute knock outs. Would have been even if they chose to dress conservatively and spent their evenings going to the movies like millions of other people. Shelly was different, though. To begin with; she saw me. The others never saw me. Sure they stepped out of my way when I would pass them on the dance floor, but I was another random pale complected messy haired (by design) goth kid, hoping to score a conversation so I could brag about my depression.
It was Shelly who saw me. Looked at me. It was then, that I saw what she was; it was in her eyes. It was in her movements. She was the darkness. She was the power. And she knew I wanted her. Not in the way a woman knows a man (or another woman. Who am I to judge?) wants her, but she knew I wanted what she had. Her power. Her darkness. Her eyes were white circles outlined in black with a black dot in the center. I knew they were decorative contact lenses, or did I? They saw into me; through me; right to my very core. She saw my humanity and how I barely clung to it for all that humanity had done to cling to me. It was all I had ever known, but when it was finally time to let go of that tiny strip, it was all I could do to peel back my fingers as they had gone numb and icy cold, holding on to the sacrificial dagger as I held it to the man’s throat. His throat he had so willingly offered up to Shelly’s blade to help her bring another into the fold.
“Well, Daryl? What are you waiting for? Don’t you want … this?”
As she spoke, she held one hand above her head elegantly, splaying her fingers in an artistic pose while waving her other in front of her completely nude form. She was pure white, except for her black hair, red lips, and white circled eyes. Not a single blemish on her skin could be seen anywhere. Her breasts were the soft flesh versions of the ancient Greek Parian marble sculpture of Venus De Milo. Her hips were wide and alluring and she was shaved down below, inviting me to gaze upon all that I might gain, once I give up my resistance for a fleeting hold on my humanity.
She stepped forward and laid herself across the man’s naked lap, arching her back and allowing her hair to cascade, falling from her head as if into the abyss. Ecstasy was close to the surface of her face and would only come when I splashed my humanity along with this man’s life blood all over those milky white tits of hers. I became aroused, and had to take a step back to keep from hitting the man in the back of his head with my erect penis. I highly doubted that he would have minded at this point, nor did I doubt it would have been the first time, but the fact remained, he was not the reason we were in that position. I was. It came down to this moment. If I didn’t act soon, she would become angry, and the spell would be broken before it was even cast. She opened her eyes, which she had closed in agonizing expectation, and I knew it was now or never.
I gritted my teeth and pulled the razor’s edge of the blade quickly with an upward motion. I didn’t even feel the blade, cut into his skin. He hadn’t even flinched as I’m sure he must have felt my arm tense up as it became ready to finish the deed. He didn’t react at all. Not even when the crimson exploded from both his jugulars and showered Shelly, who just lay there, squirming and writhing underneath the gaping crevasse that had opened up just inches above her. The blood gushed and went everywhere, as the power of the man’s heartbeat had been beating hard and fast despite his lack of any fearful reaction to having his death laid at his throat.
Then it happened. That’s when I witnessed the power of the darkness for the first time. It wasn’t ready for me yet, as it seemed to be reading the will of it’s true summoner. Shelly. If that was even her real name. Her hair began to rise and ebb, flowing as if, like in the club, she were under water. Then the blood began to gather and pool in the air above her belly. She lifted her hands and gathered all the blood into a liquid bubbling orb that kept growing as it spilled from the man’s neck only to stream into the rest, while the spurts grew less and less in strength and frequency, until it only dribbled from his neck.
At first, she washed her self in the blood, and I saw it cover her, but now she was perfectly clean again as if not even a drop had touched her skin. She was murmuring some words and cooing to some unknown entity, when she raised her arms and the orb lifted higher into the air. Then she effortless raised up, as with no help from the muscles in her body and drifted up wards towards the ceiling of the cave we were hiding in. Beneath the man whose throat was slit, there was a giant five point star inside of a circle with ancient letters drawn with salt. Shelly flicked her wrist in quick motion and the man’s body was flung against the wall of the cave in such an unnatural way, that I jumped and gasped, nearly screaming.
“Daryl, be a dear and back up a bit would you?” She said then.
Her voice sounded harmonic, taking on an extra tone that didn’t seem to belong to her, but strangely seemed at home. I did as she asked, and gave her the room she sought. Once I was clear from the circle she raised her hands and looked up toward the orb of blood in adoration. Then she closed her eyes and flexed her shoulders and sprouted a pair of black feathered wings. They were covered in bits of flesh and some kind of slimy substance, but after she flapped them a couple times, they looked as majestic as any pair of eagle’s wings spread out before the sun, mid flight.
Then she looked at me. The black dot in the middle of the white circles grew and spread outwards, filling her entire eyes with black. Only the candlelight flickering in them gave any indication that they didn’t just simply fall into their sockets.
“Are you ready to embrace the darkness, Daryl? This is the moment you have been waiting your entire life for. Are you ready to become what you see before you?”
“I just want to know one thing. Why did you choose me?”
“I didn’t choose you, Silly! You are already one of us.”
“The Darkness. That is all I can say, that you’ll understand. If you embrace the Darkness, you will have all the understanding you will ever need, and more. You will be what I am.”
“I am ready.”
She beckoned me toward her and I stepped into the circle. Shelly touched me and I began to float upwards to her. As our bodies came together in every way you would expect two naked bodies to join, she wrapped her black wings around me and spoke what I once thought was gibberish, but now know to be the language of the fallen ones. The blood in the orb released and covered us both from head to toe, and washed over every part of both of our bodies as I thrust inside of her, and she bucked against me. Then the blood began to enter into us through every available pore and orifice. More into me, however, as it was my first time.
Then as the blood disappeared, Shelly threw open her wings, and bucked hard against me, forcing herself off me and executing a back flip through the air and drifting slowly to the floor. Her graceful acrobatic display distracted me for a moment, but then the pain in my shoulders hit hot and hard. I felt my skin tear above my shoulder blades and something burst from both sides of my back, and slid down my buttocks. I reached back and felt under my arms, past my ribs and touched something big and slimy, but I could feel my own hand as I did so.
“Shake em out, Daryl.” Shelly said smiling.
“How do I do that?” I asked.
As I asked it, I noticed my voice came out harmonically, just as hers did. It took me by surprise, and then she answered me.
“You already know the answer to that?”
I did, but I was only just awakening. I flapped my wings and freed them from the membranous slime and spread them wide. It felt good. However, that was when the visions of the fall returned to me and I realized who and what I truly was. Yet I still struggled to understand what this all meant. Finally, I asked her why? I’ve given her answer to many others since.
“We’re his army. It’s getting close. The war. You didn’t think he was going to send us into battle without truly knowing what we are up against, did you?”
“And what is that?” I asked.
“Humanity, of course!”